Brilliant

Don't miss this excellent satire on the Obamamessiah from the TimesOnLine UK. As the Brits would say, "It's Just Brilliant, Lovey."

U.S. Department of Gangster Rap Promotion

Johah Goldberg @ The Corner on NRO made up this blog post title a couple of days ago, and provided this fascinating snippet from a profile of Alicia Keys in Blender:

We ask what other gangsta rappers she liked. And that’s when Keys drives a steamroller through the wall.

“‘Gangsta rap’ was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other,” she says, putting down the sandwich. “‘Gangsta rap’ didn’t exist.”

Come again? A ploy by whom?

She looks at us like it’s the dumbest question in the world. “The government.”

Jonah: Well, first of all, I want that government agency closed immediately. Second, I want to know why the brilliant bureaucrats in charge of blowing up New Orleans levees, creating AIDS, and concocting the Gangsta Rap Myth are never put in charge of, like, the Department of Education or HUD. Imagine if they could use their skills for good instead of evil?

LOL

I haven't posted much about Obama because I can't bring myself to believe my beloved country will elect this naive, inexperienced, vapid person of questionable judgment to the office of the Presidency. Today, however, I was presented with something so funny and apt that I felt I must share (and which made me wish I could draw better). Anne of Idaho wrote in:

Several people on-line today have been positing that Obama will “grow with the job” and become more centrist as the realities are brought to his attention. Someone ought to do a cartoon with Obama on a bicycle with training wheels practicing on the White House driveway. I envision him in a dorky striped shirt and shorts with untied sneakers and a beanie hat with a balloon tied to his wrist that says, "We Are The Ones We've Been Waiting For."

I'm going to send this to several syndicated cartoonists and see if anyone's game. Stand by!

Vegas trivia

It may come as a surprise to out-of-towners that Las Vegas has more Catholic churches than casinos. Perhaps not as surprising is the fact that Sunday worshipers sometimes toss casino chips in the offering basket. Since they receive chips from so many different casinos, the Catholic churches have devised a method of collecting: they send all their chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and the chips are then taken to the casinos and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

Vegas Union Boss Threatens MGM With Picketing Prostitutes

A push to organize MGM Mirage security guards has turned ugly, with the union’s lead organizer comparing casino executives to terrorists and threatening to bring homeless people and prostitutes to the picket line in order to make things unpleasant for the company. Those who know the organizer, Steve Maritas, don't seem too surprised by his tactics. Apparently he was convicted in San Diego of stalking his former girlfriend, and says he learned a lot about the union business from his father, a former president of a 30,000-member carpenters district council in New York City who was indicted on racketeering charges.

Read the whole story in the Las Vegas Sun, including how Maritas admits his "street tactics" backfired when he put a picture of Osama bin Laden next to a picture of Mandalay Bay President Bill Hornbuckle on the union’s Web site. “They’re both terrorists,” he told the Sun.

What Happens in Vegas Is Rarely Boring

Didn't turn on the PC and check my Inbox when I got home last night so didn't read about the drama involving Nevada Republican assemblywoman Francis Allen or see this arrest report until now. Two nights ago, she stabbed her new husband in the arm with a kitchen knife. She then locked herself in the bedroom. Because...he embarrassed her in front of her friends earlier in the evening. Hubby pulled the knife out of his arm and, with remarkable presence of mind, threw it in a ZipLoc baggie and drove himself to Summerlin hospital where a police report was filed, the knife was seized, and Allen was subsequently arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.

Her side of the story? He accidentally cut himself.

As Chuck Muth quipped in his Nevada News & Views, "I'd say the Honeymoon is over. As is her political career."

Newest Addition to Carbon Emissions Hit List: America's Homeless

Check out this new report from MIT. It's a study of the carbon emissions of Americans living a variety of lifestyles. Though Americans were found to emit a higher quantity of carbon per capita than the rest of the world, you might be interested to know that even our homeless people are emitting twice as much carbon dioxide as the average Citizen of Earth. Apparently an American living in homeless shelters and eating all his meals in soup kitchens is responsible for 8.5 tons of carbon emissions per year. Compare that with Steve Hayward's estimates in his WSJ piece that in order to reduce U.S. emissions by 80% by the year 2050, carbon emissions need to be reduced to only 2.5 tons per person.

Voters should note that the "80 by 50" target has been endorsed by both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. McCain is only slightly more reasonable, calling for a 65% reduction. My question: which of them is going to tell all the Homeless people how their irresponsible lifestyle is ruining the world?

Call Al Gore's Office: We've Got Major Devastation in Scandanavia!

Go ahead and add the devastation of Scandanavian gingerbread houses to the ever-growing and never-ending list of things we can blame on global warming. The Terra Daily reported that both wholesale manufacturers of ginger-houses and home-based amateur builders are suffering. One retailer received 40+ complaints from angry customers whose houses collapsed due to overly-moist gingerbread and icing that wouldn't dry and harden. "The damp weather spells immediate devastation for gingerbread houses," said a spokesperson for Sweden's leading gingerbread wholesaler. "The problem is the mild winter."

"Help Me Tom Cruise, Help Me Woody Harrelson!"

For today's Entertainment News don't miss this Associated Press story about Wesley Snipes' three year prison sentence for tax evasion. In an attempt to soften the judge, Snipes offered glowing character references from various Hollywood pals including...Woody Harrelson...? Don't mean to be too hard on anyone here, but is that really the best go-to guy for a strong personal reference?

Update/Note: A friend asked about the header for this post. It's a reference to the movie Talledega Nights starring Will Farrel. The main character - Ricky Bobby - a NASCAR driver suffering from anxiety and paranoia after a bad crash and a nervous breakdown, believes he has caught on fire. He leaps from his vehicle and starts running around the racetrack, screaming: "Help me, Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!"

D.C. PoPo Say No-No

Midnight Memorial Dancer Arrested
Armed with I-pods and jazzed about celebrating the birthday anniversary of one of our founding fathers, a few young libertarian patriots were cutting a late-night rug at the foot of the Jefferson Memorial this past Sunday…until one of them was arrested, that is. Although the memorial is open 24/7, it seems you cannot get jiggy with it.

Did Noah Fish?

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "Do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Little Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

Jungle Training Essentials

In this story about federal employees putting millions of dollars of fraudelent or frivolous charges on their government credit cards over a 15-month period, the least egregious (and possibly funniest) was the credit-card holder who bought $360 worth of women's lingerie at a boutique for use during “jungle training” by trainees of a drug enforcement program in Ecuador. A State Department official agreed that the charge was “questionable” and stated that he would not have approved the purchase had he known about it. This raises a few questions:

When glancing over the receipt or billing statement (which was presumably presented for approval at some point), what sort of items did that State Department official think had been purchased at “Sedducion Boutique”? The word “seduce” has few meanings especially when coupled with a noun meaning "small specialty store"…n’est pa?

I'm also curious about the questions that would/should have been asked (and answered) had this purchase been properly flagged. Would the purchaser have claimed that special undies were needed due to the hot, damp conditions in Ecuador? Were these garments of special construct, enabling the wearer to more swiftly and stealthily move through the flora and fauna of tropical landscapes? And can we assume, at least, that the fabric was camouflage...or perhaps leopard print?

Consumer Warning: Don't Drink Gator Blood

This Washington Post story says researchers believe alligator blood may contain protein that can be used for new antibiotics targeting various infections and even drug-resistant "superbugs." In the meantime, this article says researchers warn against using raw alligator blood as a home remedy. In an unprocessed state (they say) it can cause sickness and even death to humans.

Given that many alligators reside in stagnant waters, eat the flesh of rotting creatures they stuffed under a log two weeks ago, and breathe swamp fumes as they paddle around their festering bogs...is it really that surprising to learn that (a) they possess super-immunity to germy things and (b) we probably shouldn't drink their blood?

Ted Turner's Dire Predictions Lead to Discussion of Cannibalism at Dinner Table

Last week Mark Hemingway over at The Corner was kind enough to post this funny (actual) dialogue that took place during dinner at our house last week. This conversation followed Ted Turner's prediction that global warming will render the planet a barren desert and turn all of us into cannibals within a few decades. Thought I'd share it. (Our kids are pretty funny, if I do say so myself.)

12-year old Daughter: “So…which of us kids are you and Daddy going to eat first?”

Daddy: “Depends who’s getting the best grades and doing the most chores at the time.”

Daughter: “There won’t BE any grades because of the Failed State, silly!”

13-year old Son: “Anyway, I think the Father is supposed to sacrifice himself for his family…”

Daughter: “Yeah, that’s true. But we wouldn’t have to kill Daddy right away; we could just cut off one leg, then the other… We could probably keep him alive for a few extra weeks that way.”

Son: “What’s the point of dragging it out when Civilization will be in shambles anyway…?”